1. Diner: Do you serve chickens here?
   Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone.
   
   
2. 　Three Englishmen stopped at a restaurant for a spot of tea.　The waiter appeared with pad and pencil.　"I'll have a glass of weak tea," ordered the first. "I'll have tea, too," said the second, "but very strong with two pieces of lemon." "Tea for me, too, please," said the third.　"but be sure the glass is absolutely clean." In a short time the waiter was back with the order.　"All right," he asked, "which one gets the clean glass?"
   
   
3. A diner was agitated that the waiter had brought him no spoon with his coffee. "This coffee," he said loud enough for most of the other patrons to hear, "is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers." The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen and returned shortly with another cup of coffee. "This one isn't so hot, sir," he beamed.
   
   
4. Diner: I can't eat this chicken.　Call the manager.
   Waiter: It's no use. He can't eat it either.
   
   
5. A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
   "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"
   "What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"
   
   
6. Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
   Yes sir, I expect it's the hot water that kills them.
   
   
7. Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
   Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.
   
   
8. Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
   It's fly soup sir!
   
   
9. Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
   Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir...
   
   
10. Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
    Don't worry sir, the spider on the bread roll will get 'em.
    
    
11. Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
    No sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.
    
    
12. Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt!
    Yes sir, that's because it was only ground this morning.
    
    
13. Waiter, what is this stuff?
    That's bean salad sir..
    I know what it's been, but what is it now?
    
    
14. And how did you find your steak sir?
    Well, I just rolled over a pea, and there it was...
    
    
15. Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
    That's OK, the cook used to be a tailor
    
    
16. Man in Restaurant: "Waiter, waiter! Bring me a crocodile sandwich, and make it snappy!".