Joke:Points 4 Man

One single rule applies: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes & you get points.

Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties

You make the bed......+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows........0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........-1

You leave the toilet seat up........-5

You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty.......0

When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex......-1

When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2

You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings......+5

But return with beer.......-5

You check out a suspicious noise at night........0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing......0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's something.........+5

You pummel it with a six iron.......+10

It's her father.......-10

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party.......0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy......-2

Named Tiffany......-4

Tiffany is a dancer......-6

Tiffany has implants........-8

When mingling, you hold your girlfriend's hand and gaze at her lovingly.....+1

When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump...-5

When she points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"....+1

When she points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive,you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"........-6

That woman is her sister......-90

You have one drink, and that's it........0

You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle.......-2

You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted....-18

Saturday Afternoon

You go to the shops together.......+3

You go to the shops, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car.......+4

You go to the shops, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar........-2

You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it...+3

You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sofa.....0

You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk .......+3

Most of it chips and beer ......-6

You tackle a large household project, such as painting the lounge....+15

Or refinishing the floors......+16

Or rewiring the basement.....+17

Or adding a second floor.....+18

Or setting up a little hoop over the bathroom wastebasket.....-6

And you're tickled pink about it......-15

You visit her parents..... 0

You visit her parents and actually make conversation....+3

You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television.......-3

And the television is off.......-6

You spend the afternoon watching football in your underwear...-6

And you don't even like football.....-10

And it's not your underwear........-15

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner........0

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.......+1

Okay, it is a sports bar......-2

And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted he colors of your favorite team......-10

You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player.....+3

You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing......+4

If you stink........+2

If you're not half bad....+5

You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause.......-2

You give her a gift.....0

You give her a gift and it's a small electrical appliance ......-10

You give her a gift and it's not a small electrical appliance...+1

You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate......+2

You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months...+30

You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day.....-10

With her credit card.......-30

And whatever you bought is two sizes too big ......-40

Thoughtfulness

You forget her birthday completely.......-20

You forget your anniversary..........-30

You forget to pick her up at the bus station......-45

Which is next to the red light district........-50

A Night Out With The Boys

Go out with a pal .........-5

And the pal is happily married .......-4

Or frighteningly single .........-7

And he drives a Mustang.......-10

With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)......-15

You have a few beers.......-9

And miss curfew by an hour.........-12

You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call......-20

You get home at 3 am........-30

You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars .......-40

And not wearing any pants.........-50

Is that a tattoo??........-200

Her Night Out

You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work....+5

She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home

late...+10

You wait up.....+15

She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed..+20

A Night At Home

You watch TV together...... 0

You rent a movie........+2

You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY ........+3

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout.....+5

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep.......-1

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool.....-2

A Night Out

You take her to a movie.......+2

You take her to a movie she likes........+4

You take her to a movie you hate ........+6

You take her to a movie you like.........-2

It's called DeathCop 3(or Godzilla ) ..................-3

Which features cyborgs having sex........-9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......-15

Flowers

You buy her flowers only when it's expected....... 0

You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ....+20

You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself.....+30

And she contracts Lyme disease........-25

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly.......-15

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+10

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.......-5

Finances

You spend a lot of money on something impractical....-5

Something she can't use......-10

Such a a motorized model airplane.......-20

And she got a small appliance for her birthday........-40

Driving

You lost the directions on a trip........-4

You lost the directions and end up getting lost......-10

You end up getting lost in a bad part of town .....-15

You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal....-25

You know them.......-60

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?" ....-5 (Sensitive questions always start witha deficit)

You hesitate in responding.......-10

You reply, "Where?".........-35

Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression........0

When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes........+5

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV...+10

She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...............-20